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<<if ndef $after>><<set $after = "">><<set $result = "">><<set $d_option=[]>><<set $d_response=[]>><<set $d_used=[]>>
<<set $w1 = false>><<set $s1 = 0>><<set $c1 = 0>><<set $r1 = false>><<set $c2 = 0>><<set $r2 = false>><<set $c3 = 0>><<set $r3 = false>><<set $w2 = false>><<set $s2 = 0>><<set $c4 = 0>><<set $r4 = false>><<set $c5 = 0>><<set $r5 = false>><<set $c6 = 0>><<set $r6 = false>><<set $w3 = false>><<set $s3 = 0>><<set $c7 = 0>><<set $r7 = false>><<set $w4 = false>><<set $s4 = 0>><<set $c8 = 0>><<set $r8 = false>><<set $c9 = 0>><<set $r9 = false>><<set $c10 = 0>><<set $r10 = false>><<set $w5 = false>><<set $s5 = 0>><<set $c11 = 0>><<set $r11 = false>><<set $c12 = 0>><<set $r12 = false>><<set $c13 = 0>><<set $r13 = false>><<set $c14 = 0>><<set $r14 = false>><<set $w6 = false>><<set $s6 = 0>><<set $c15 = 0>><<set $r15 = false>><<set $c16 = 0>><<set $r16 = false>><<set $c17 = 0>><<set $r17 = false>><<set $w7 = false>><<set $s7 = 0>><<set $c18 = 0>><<set $r18 = false>><<set $c19 = 0>><<set $r19 = false>><<set $c20 = 0>><<set $r20 = false>><<set $c21 = 0>><<set $r21 = false>><<set $w8 = false>><<set $s8 = 0>><<set $c22 = 0>><<set $r22 = false>><<set $c23 = 0>><<set $r23 = false>><<set $c24 = 0>><<set $r24 = false>><<set $w9 = false>><<set $s9 = 0>><<set $c25 = 0>><<set $r25 = false>><<set $c26 = 0>><<set $r26 = false>><<set $c27 = 0>><<set $r27 = false>><<set $w10 = false>><<set $s10 = 0>><<set $c28 = 0>><<set $r28 = false>><<set $c29 = 0>><<set $r29 = false>><<set $c30 = 0>><<set $r30 = false>><<set $c31 = 0>><<set $r31 = false>><<set $w11 = false>><<set $s11 = 0>><<set $c32 = 0>><<set $r32 = false>><<set $c33 = 0>><<set $r33 = false>><<set $c34 = 0>><<set $r34 = false>><<set $w12 = false>><<set $s12 = 0>><<set $c35 = 0>><<set $r35 = false>><<set $c36 = 0>><<set $r36 = false>><<set $c37 = 0>><<set $r37 = false>><<set $w13 = false>><<set $s13 = 0>><<set $c38 = 0>><<set $r38 = false>><<set $c39 = 0>><<set $r39 = false>><<set $c40 = 0>><<set $r40 = false>><<set $w14 = false>><<set $s14 = 0>><<set $c41 = 0>><<set $r41 = false>><<set $c42 = 0>><<set $r42 = false>><<set $c43 = 0>><<set $r43 = false>><</if>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[thursford.jpg]]<<if $s4 < 1>><<set $s4 += 1>><</if>><<if $s4 == 1>>Thursford at Chistmas is soft toy approved. You can see hundreds of us in various shapes and sizes in Santa's Magical Journey there. Those soft toys are kept very busy to entertain the young at heart who wander through. With so many humans gawping at you it takes a lot of concentration not to gawp back. Less busy are all the soft toys in the shops, just waiting to be taken to a good home. And hiding in various corners you can find soft toys mislaid by their owners on that sad day when their owners visited Thursford.
Christmas is a magical time when Santa Claus does come down the chimney, when an elephant can fly, when your vote really matters, when there is gold at the end of the rainbow. You don't get a lot of rainbows around Christmas time though.
Christmas is magical for soft toys. It's then above all other times when the power of childish belief breathes the spirit into soft toys. Otherwise soft toys would just be a stitched up mass of cotton wool, as inert as a sodden firework. No-one wants that right? So come on, let's all believe together, let the spirit flow!<</if>><<set $c8 = -1>><<if not $w11>><<set $c8 = 1>><</if>><<set $c9 = -1>><<if not $w6>><<set $c9 = 1>><</if>><<set $c10 = -1>><<if not $w12>><<set $c10 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c8 is 1>><<button "If Cortes was crazy he might be here" "s11">><<set $result = "">><<set $r8 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c9 is 1>><<button "No warm welcome here" "s6">><<set $result = "">><<set $r9 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c10 is 1>><<button "Once a place to see and be seen" "s12">><<set $result = "">><<set $r10 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w1 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w13 && $w9 && $w14>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[venice.jpg]]<<if $s1 < 1>><<set $s1 += 1>><</if>><<if $s1 == 1>>The Venetians like dogs. They like dogs so much they even used to call their leader Dog, or Doge in Venetian. Venice is designed to cope with its population keeping dogs. As you may know one problem of dogs (unlike soft toys) is the messes they leave behind. The Venetians designed their city so it would get regularly inundated and so wash the unmentionable out into the Adriatic.
The Venetians were great travellers. One of them called Marco Polo even walked along the Great Wall of China so he would be visible from Space. Marco Polo is most famous in the West for the invention of Polo mints, those round white things with a hole in the middle you put in your mouth. They're really a Chinese invention just like fireworks and printing presses and water polo (something else Marco Polo claimed to have invented which went down big with the gondoliers).
When you do go on your travels, be it to outer space the Antartic wastes Machu Picchu or the local convenience store don't forget to take a soft toy. We make great companions and don't make messes or bark unlike dogs and your fellow human beings.<</if>><<set $c1 = -1>><<if not $w13>><<set $c1 = 1>><</if>><<set $c2 = -1>><<if not $w9>><<set $c2 = 1>><</if>><<set $c3 = -1>><<if not $w14>><<set $c3 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c1 is 1>><<button "Out goes the light" "s13">><<set $result = "">><<set $r1 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c2 is 1>><<button "Playing a round" "s9">><<set $result = "">><<set $r2 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c3 is 1>><<button "Rock around the clock" "s14">><<set $result = "">><<set $r3 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w2 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w14 && $w9 && $w13>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[snowdrops.jpg]]<<if $s2 < 1>><<set $s2 += 1>><</if>><<if $s2 == 1>>We as soft toys like admiring the snowdrops at Anglesey Abbey once a year, as long as we don't get thrown into the bushes. The bushes are quite colourful true, all interesting shapes with curlicues and spirals and cockscrews, but it can be cold and wet that time of year which doesn't agree with being a soft toy. As long as we're not in the bushes we're quite happy.
You may wonder why soft toys are so happy when they have cotton wool instead of brain cells. If you have some brain cells you're concerned when you come downstairs headfirst. Or resent when you're left behind when they go on a cruise. Important message - there's always space in your suitcase for a soft toy. That's less true of humans unless they're contortionists.
If you have a few more brain cells you begin to worry about roadworks and exchange rates and interest levels and it not having rained for weeks and how long it's taking to pay at the restaurant and where did you leave your keys.
If you have too many brain cells you begin to worry about what happens when the meteorite hits the Earth, or the ice caps melt, or all the oxygen is used up, or the whole universe ends up in a black hole.
Take it from a soft toy. Thinking is over-rated.<</if>><<set $c4 = -1>><<if not $w14>><<set $c4 = 1>><</if>><<set $c5 = -1>><<if not $w9>><<set $c5 = 1>><</if>><<set $c6 = -1>><<if not $w13>><<set $c6 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c4 is 1>><<button "Somewhere with a bit of history to it" "s14">><<set $result = "">><<set $r4 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c5 is 1>><<button "Club together" "s9">><<set $result = "">><<set $r5 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c6 is 1>><<button "Dark is the sun" "s13">><<set $result = "">><<set $r6 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w3 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[pyramids.jpg]]<<if $s3 < 1>><<set $s3 += 1>><</if>><<if $s3 == 1>>We used to enjoy skiing down the pyramids with the Pharaohs. Egypt doesn't have any good mountains with snow on them you see, and the Pharaohs liked to ski. So they built their own artificial ski slopes, covering the limestone and granite blocks with a white limestone surface so it was smooth and looked like snow. They would have gone water-skiing but the slaves couldn't row fast enough.
No fun skiing down the pyramids now of course, it would be rather bumpy. Even if you're a soft toy used to bumping your way downstairs. And you can't get the slaves any more to carry you up to the top of the pyramid to start skiing from.
You may ask why no soft toys were found with Tutankhamun. Even a soft toy would feel that was dead boring. We joined the Romans who made the Brits join Europe in their own way.<</if>><<set $c7 = -1>><<if not $w4>><<set $c7 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c7 is 1>><<button "That was so interesting let me read it again!">><<run Engine.restart()>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w5 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w12 && $w6 && $w11>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[peterhof.jpg]]<<if $s5 < 1>><<set $s5 += 1>><</if>><<if $s5 == 1>>People vary. Some spend real money on their cars, buying special number plates to show the world that they've spent real money. Others more current with the spirit of the times spend real money on their bikes. Some rush to own the latest phones. Others tear their houses down so they can build more imposing houses to impress the world with their wealth. Peter The Great liked making a splash with his palace.
Peterhof Palace is very beautiful when the fountains are sending water cascading amid the gold ornamentation. You can imagine the Tsar playing with the controls, having a chuckle as he soaked some of the serfs, grinning as he increased the taxes to pay for the water he was using.
Cars bikes phones houses palaces they're all toys, the richer you are the more expensive the toys tend to be.
But for cost effectiveness you can't beat a soft toy. We're low maintenance, no need to touch up the gold paint or incur charges at the water meter. No need to always buy new cars and bicycles and phones, or rebuild the house every year. We don't take up much space, even the large size soft toys. And we don't charge for selfies. Somewhere there's a soft toy just right for YOU.<</if>><<set $c11 = -1>><<if not $w12>><<set $c11 = 1>><</if>><<set $c12 = -1>><<if not $w6>><<set $c12 = 1>><</if>><<set $c13 = -1>><<if not $w11>><<set $c13 = 1>><</if>><<set $c14 = -1>><<if $can_finish>><<set $c14 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c11 is 1>><<button "A place of persuasion" "s12">><<set $result = "">><<set $r11 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c12 is 1>><<button "You may get cold shouldered here" "s6">><<set $result = "">><<set $r12 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c13 is 1>><<button "It only sounds a stupid place to be" "s11">><<set $result = "">><<set $r13 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c14 is 1>><<button "Somewhere with a bit of history to it" "s3">><<set $result = "">><<set $r14 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w6 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w8 && $w2 && $w1>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[ice_hotel.jpg]]<<if $s6 < 1>><<set $s6 += 1>><</if>><<if $s6 == 1>>The Sorrisniva Igloo Hotel. That takes us back.
You see a long long time ago there were these bears. A really long long long time ago. Before there were mobile phones and matter transmitters and underfloor heating. Before anyone worried about climate change. There were these bears. When it got cold like cold enough to make your fur stiff as iron wool these bears huddled together deep in a dark cave. So dark you couldn't see anything, just hear the slow snoring of hibernating bears hoping spring would come again.
These bears were our ancestors and we remember those times. Passed down from parent bear to child bear the tales of those times are our fur-lore. About when ice carved its way through the landscape. About when bears would spend the frozen winter painting on the cave walls. About the coming of the furless bears who took everything including the skins off our very backs! We will have the last laugh when the furless bears are all extinct.
Inside the walls of an ice hotel we remember being deep in those caves through the winter. Snuggling up together to keep warm. Forgetting what the sun and moon looked like. Telling our stomachs they'll be fed manana. Counting heffalumps to get to sleep. We could have used some of those drinks in the ancient days though.<</if>><<set $c15 = -1>><<if not $w8>><<set $c15 = 1>><</if>><<set $c16 = -1>><<if not $w2>><<set $c16 = 1>><</if>><<set $c17 = -1>><<if not $w1>><<set $c17 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c15 is 1>><<button "Turkish delight" "s8">><<set $result = "">><<set $r15 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c16 is 1>><<button "Are the British confident?" "s2">><<set $result = "">><<set $r16 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c17 is 1>><<button "Paddling your own canoe is useful here" "s1">><<set $result = "">><<set $r17 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w7 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w12 && $w11 && $w6>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[walton.jpg]]<<if $s7 < 1>><<set $s7 += 1>><</if>><<if $s7 == 1>>Gone is the putting green, gone is the crazy golf. Gone is so much of the open-air market. Gone is the spirit of the seaside. The paint peels on the beach huts. The empire has evaporated. The pier peters out. The water is damp and cold, the beach ebbs away. The sun is setting on Walton-on-the-Naze.
So is it time to start worrying and fretting? Some like worrying and making guitars of course. But every cloud has a silver lining, and what goes down must come up. So if the sea levels are rising then there's more room for your luxury yacht. If the ozone layer has ozoned then you'll get a healthy tan easier. If temperatures are rising then you won't need to buy anyone a Christmas present. If humanity becomes extinct it'll be easier to park at the shopping mall.
Consider the soft toys. Do they worry or fret? Do they have to do tax returns? Do they try doing difficult cryptic crosswords and feel stupid when they look up answers at the back?
(If you do visit Walton-on-the-Naze consider taking home any soft toy you see in a shop, the salt air and water don't agree with us.)<</if>><<set $c18 = -1>><<if not $w12>><<set $c18 = 1>><</if>><<set $c19 = -1>><<if not $w11>><<set $c19 = 1>><</if>><<set $c20 = -1>><<if not $w6>><<set $c20 = 1>><</if>><<set $c21 = -1>><<if $can_finish>><<set $c21 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c18 is 1>><<button "The Romans are wet behind the ears" "s12">><<set $result = "">><<set $r18 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c19 is 1>><<button "They've probably got more than one gardener here" "s11">><<set $result = "">><<set $r19 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c20 is 1>><<button "No need for fridges here" "s6">><<set $result = "">><<set $r20 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c21 is 1>><<button "Somewhere with a point to it" "s3">><<set $result = "">><<set $r21 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w8 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w9 && $w13 && $w14>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[ephesus.jpg]]<<if $s8 < 1>><<set $s8 += 1>><</if>><<if $s8 == 1>>Look at the Romans now, their glorious city of Ephesus now just a pile of white rubble. Perhaps Ephesus used to be like how the archaeologists have it, perhaps it didn't. Like dinosaurs one could assemble the pieces in many different ways. Anyway the Romans have long gone, all those miles the legionnaires tramped, all those Latin verbs conjugated, all that violin playing while Rome burned now count for nihil. You see the Romans didn't have soft toys.
When you've had a bad day at the office, or stubbed your toe, or got stuck on a hard crossword, there's nothing like hugging a soft toy for consolation. Soft toys are like spiritual blotting paper, establishing blame-free and guilt-free zones. Soft toys are friends for life who you can always rely on. But the Romans didn't have soft toys.
So the Romans when they had a bad day went around conquering places, building roads and viaducts and aqueducts and stadia, feeding people to lions, getting boils on their feet because they would use underfloor heating. And having too many baths. And making long speeches about lending each other body parts in a language no-one speaks any more.<</if>><<set $c22 = -1>><<if not $w9>><<set $c22 = 1>><</if>><<set $c23 = -1>><<if not $w13>><<set $c23 = 1>><</if>><<set $c24 = -1>><<if not $w14>><<set $c24 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c22 is 1>><<button "Putting it all together" "s9">><<set $result = "">><<set $r22 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c23 is 1>><<button "A total experience" "s13">><<set $result = "">><<set $r23 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c24 is 1>><<button "Legoland without lego bricks" "s14">><<set $result = "">><<set $r24 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w9 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w10 && $w5 && $w7>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[pirate_golf.jpg]]<<if $s9 < 1>><<set $s9 += 1>><</if>><<if $s9 == 1>>Pirate's Cove Adventure Golf in Great Yarmouth makes us remember when we played golf with real live pirates.
Pirates enjoyed a good round of golf. There's a lot of time between each merchantman you board and loot and pillage and scuttle. Golf uses up a lot of time, particularly when your ball so easily ends up in a water hazard. So Blackbeard and Captain Flint and Long John Silver too all enjoyed whacking balls down the fairway with their nine irons. Albatrosses were their favourite bird so they called an especially good shot an albatross.
Pirates liked hiding their treasures while pretending to play golf. They often buried their treasure in the sand and that's why you have bunkers on golf courses. They would draw diagrams of where they put their treasures but disguise them as golf courses. So that's why some golf clubs are called putters. It's a big shame of course if you put treasure somewhere then forget where that was. A good idea is to leave a marker there saying "no treasure buried here".
Pirates were bad losers. Out would come the accusations of cheating and then out would come the cutlasses. With pirates you don't count how many fingers you have left, it's how many hands. A number of pirates had a hook in place of a hand and as a result tended to slice their slots - that's why they're called hook shots.
Soft toys didn't mind playing golf with pirates. We were quite happy to let the pirate win.<</if>><<set $c25 = -1>><<if not $w10>><<set $c25 = 1>><</if>><<set $c26 = -1>><<if not $w5>><<set $c26 = 1>><</if>><<set $c27 = -1>><<if not $w7>><<set $c27 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c25 is 1>><<button "Must have a souvenir shop" "s10">><<set $result = "">><<set $r25 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c26 is 1>><<button "Not any old hof in St Petersburg" "s5">><<set $result = "">><<set $r26 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c27 is 1>><<button "It's got a beach when the tide's out" "s7">><<set $result = "">><<set $r27 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w10 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w12 && $w6 && $w11>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[harry_potter.jpg]]<<if $s10 < 1>><<set $s10 += 1>><</if>><<if $s10 == 1>>You only really enjoy yourself when you're with other people. When you share what you're thinking, what you're seeing, what you're hearing. It's like being in a nuclear reactor when all those neutrons get buzzing around and you get Chicken Kiev. (Actually being inside a nuclear reactor is a bad idea for anyone who's tempted by the way. That's why nuclear reactors have plenty of danger keep out signs on them. If you were inside a nuclear reactor you might start to glow and gain super-powers. And be super corrupted as a result.)
The Harry Potter studio tour is a tour to do with others. Hold hands in Hogwarts Hall. Mutually marvel at the model of the school. Accompanied admire the artistry that went into the films. Be beside each another as you imbibe butterbeer. Together traipse through the train carriages on Platform 9.75. Share simpatico the shopping for souvenirs in the gift shoppe.
Soft toys are made to share your life with. We can be carried around anywhere you go. We don't need extra tickets to the cinema train plane cruise ship or space shuttle. No need to buy us lunch dinner ice cream cones unlike girlfriends and boyfriends and any other kind of friend. We don't let people down, don't disappoint unlike human beings. We're really carbon neutral as opposed to oxygen breathing mammals. Soft toys - your partner for life. You know it makes sense.<</if>><<set $c28 = -1>><<if not $w12>><<set $c28 = 1>><</if>><<set $c29 = -1>><<if not $w6>><<set $c29 = 1>><</if>><<set $c30 = -1>><<if not $w11>><<set $c30 = 1>><</if>><<set $c31 = -1>><<if $can_finish>><<set $c31 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c28 is 1>><<button "Authoresses have a lot to answer for" "s12">><<set $result = "">><<set $r28 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c29 is 1>><<button "Somewhere to cool off" "s6">><<set $result = "">><<set $r29 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c30 is 1>><<button "Elegy in an island Abbey garden" "s11">><<set $result = "">><<set $r30 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c31 is 1>><<button "Wonderful what you can do with plenty of slaves" "s3">><<set $result = "">><<set $r31 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w11 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w8 && $w2 && $w1>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[tresco.jpg]]<<if $s11 < 1>><<set $s11 += 1>><</if>><<if $s11 == 1>>Tresco Abbey Gardens in the Scillies may seem like a precious haven of peace and serenity, a place to adore nature, but to us soft toys it's a place of danger. So many bushes. So many places for careless children to leave or throw an innocent soft toy. All soft toys want is just to be with people, to share with them - but ungrateful brats just toss us away.
So check under that rhododendron. Look in the branches of that bromeliad. You never know where a poor soft toy may be found. Reach into the pond under that lilypad - there are many soft toys asleep in the deep. Train your telescopes into the night sky - some astronaut may have forgotten a soft toy when they left their space station.
We may not bleed if you prick us but we still have feelings. One of these days the tables will be turned. And then we'll throw the humans into volcanoes and giggle maniacally as they sizzle. Revenge is a dish best served red hot. Well being soft hearted we may settle for extinct volcanoes but you get the idea.<</if>><<set $c32 = -1>><<if not $w8>><<set $c32 = 1>><</if>><<set $c33 = -1>><<if not $w2>><<set $c33 = 1>><</if>><<set $c34 = -1>><<if not $w1>><<set $c34 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c32 is 1>><<button "Paul upset the silversmiths here" "s8">><<set $result = "">><<set $r32 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c33 is 1>><<button "May have been an abbey but it's not in Wales" "s2">><<set $result = "">><<set $r33 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c34 is 1>><<button "One place to get blinds for the window" "s1">><<set $result = "">><<set $r34 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w12 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w8 && $w1 && $w2>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[bath.jpg]]<<if $s12 < 1>><<set $s12 += 1>><</if>><<if $s12 == 1>>Bath besides having some baths is associated with Jane Austen. Now Jane Austen liked to write. Bath is one of the places in her writing. But liking to write, and spending hours actually writing and writing and writing, doesn't make one a great author. Without a soft toy guiding her she wouldn't be as famous as she is now. The number of hours spent reading her stuff then providing persuasion so she would rewrite (she had to do a lot of rewriting) - you couldn't count them on your paws even if you had hundreds of paws.
Jane needed encouragement of course for her to perservere, and soft toys are best at that. We're not judgmental, don't make snide comments, just take people as they stand or sit or sleep on the sofa snoring. People need cheering up so often as they have too much in their heads. And there's nothing like cuddling up to a soft toy to cheer you up after finding the bath water has gone cold, or a meteor has struck the Earth and all the dinosaurs are extinct, or discovering separate doesn't have three "e"s in it.
We remember the years we spent together in Bath with great fondness. We started at the top of the town, where the soft toys are nice and clean and dressed in silk. But then the family condition declined and so we slowly went downhill. Down past streets where the soft toys aren't properly cared for and get thrown into bushes by children who shouldn't be allowed to have soft toys. Down to where the soft toys get dirty and are left around in dingy alleys and neglected and don't get to vote. We never complained, not being to say anything helps one not to complain.
We could have complained if we wanted to. We could have complained very well. We never got a credit in any of Jane's books. We never got to assemble at the assembly rooms. We never got to take the waters, even if soft toys don't eat and drink that was unfair. We never got to meet the Romans who built all the baths though people said the Romans all died after having to learn Latin. Too much education is bad for the brain.
They did dress nicely in those days. Nowadays people look like something the cat's brought in. Ah those were the days my friend, I thought they'd never end.<</if>><<set $c35 = -1>><<if not $w8>><<set $c35 = 1>><</if>><<set $c36 = -1>><<if not $w1>><<set $c36 = 1>><</if>><<set $c37 = -1>><<if not $w2>><<set $c37 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c35 is 1>><<button "The Romans were here as well" "s8">><<set $result = "">><<set $r35 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c36 is 1>><<button "Even easier to have a dip here" "s1">><<set $result = "">><<set $r36 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c37 is 1>><<button "One place for those into flour power" "s2">><<set $result = "">><<set $r37 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w13 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w10 && $w5 && $w7>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[eclipse.jpg]]<<if $s13 < 1>><<set $s13 += 1>><</if>><<if $s13 == 1>>The moon is just the right distance you see, or rather you don't see when its bang in front of the sun. Eldritch how it wanders on its cosmic journey so when it's between the Earth and the sun out goes the light. Like someone had just flipped a switch. One moment a glare the eye cannot stand. The next moment a black hole in the sky. If the moon was any closer, or any further, eclipses wouldn't be eclipses. Or if the moon was shaped like a banana or a doughnut eclipses wouldn't be eclipses. Eclipses are like having jam on a cosmic planned bread and butter.
It's weird that water expands when it freezes. If it didn't there wouldn't be life on this planet. It's like someone was writing a story but had to fudge a deus ex machina ending to make it come out right. And if water didn't expand when it froze soft toys couldn't go ice skating. And ice skating is so much fun and being soft toys mean you don't hurt when you fall over.
There's just the right number of dimensions to make the world interesting yet not give you brain damage when you play with lego. The different atomic forces are finely balanced meaning carbon and hydrogen and oxygen can all combine in so many fascinating ways. The alphabet matches the sounds that the human vocal chords are able to make. And then there's Goldilocks.
Goldilocks should be locked up. She's guilty of trespass, theft, squatting, robbery, intrusion, eating other people's food, lying in other people's beds. No wonder the youth of today have gone to the dogs when they've been raised with Goldilocks as a career example. When soft toys take over the story of Goldilocks is going to finish with a court trial followed by a long jail sentence involving hard labour. Porridge without the porridge. Even porridge which is too hot or too cold. Cold porridge is horrible stuff.<</if>><<set $c38 = -1>><<if not $w10>><<set $c38 = 1>><</if>><<set $c39 = -1>><<if not $w5>><<set $c39 = 1>><</if>><<set $c40 = -1>><<if not $w7>><<set $c40 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c38 is 1>><<button "Oneupwomanship?" "s10">><<set $result = "">><<set $r38 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c39 is 1>><<button "No expense spared on the garden sprinkler system" "s5">><<set $result = "">><<set $r39 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c40 is 1>><<button "Traditional English fare" "s7">><<set $result = "">><<set $r40 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<set $w14 = true>><<set $befores = "">><<set _befores_seen = false>><<set _after_seen = false>><<set $can_finish = $w5 && $w10 && $w7>><<if $result != "">><<print $result + "\n\n">><</if>>[img[stonehenge.jpg]]<<if $s14 < 1>><<set $s14 += 1>><</if>><<if $s14 == 1>>We soft toys have long memories. We remember when the aliens built Stonehenge. They came in ships with lights all over them, with solid state sound systems blaring forth mysterious sequences of notes that made neolithic man do strange things in their kitchens. The aliens cut large boulders out of the rocky hills using their powerful lasers. Such clean precise edges the sarsens and bluestones had then. They then used their pretty coloured lights tractor beams to carry the shaped boulders to Wiltshire, and plonk them into position. It wasn't called Wiltshire then of course.
The aliens then tried to teach the neolithic cavemen how to use Stonehenge to communicate across vast intergalactic distances. That didn't work very well - the cavemen tried biting the sarsens, or head-butting them, or scrawling graffiti on them, or just falling asleep on them. So instead the aliens had to teach us soft toys, and we've kept them posted ever since as to how things are on Planet Earth.
We're expecting the aliens back any day now. We've told them what a mess mankind has made of the world, and how it's time to try a different species.<</if>><<set $c41 = -1>><<if not $w5>><<set $c41 = 1>><</if>><<set $c42 = -1>><<if not $w10>><<set $c42 = 1>><</if>><<set $c43 = -1>><<if not $w7>><<set $c43 = 1>><</if>><<if ! _befores_seen>> $befores<</if>><<if ! _after_seen>> $after<</if>>
<<set $after = "">><<if $c41 is 1>><<button "Some of what glitters is gold" "s5">><<set $result = "">><<set $r41 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c42 is 1>><<button "Somewhere magical" "s10">><<set $result = "">><<set $r42 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>><<if $c43 is 1>><<button "It had a crazy Golf course" "s7">><<set $result = "">><<set $r43 = true>><</button>><<print "<BR>">><</if>>