The Turks put the Greeks to shame with how well organised the tour was. On the bus we were given a radio to hear the guide at a distance, a generous bottle of water, and a questionnaire to fill in. The guide Oz (that's what he said his name was) didn't belabour us with boring history or moans about history (though he would have been entitled to mention the Crusades.) He was amusing and informative, and even taught us a little Turkish. A-vet is yes, "Higher" will do for no, and "To sugar a dream" said quickly will do for thank you.

We first saw Virgin Mary's supposed house - it may be sanctified by the Pope but I have my doubts. It has become a place of pilgrimage, and you can buy trinkets similar to the ones the silversmiths did in Ephesus for Artemis. The silversmiths who got worried by the Apostle Paul's teaching. Which brings us to Ephesus.

Ephesus was a mind-blowing site. Unlike the Pyramids it gave the impression of a living city, down to the public latrines where the guys would sit together and talk. As the seats were marble and cold the important guys would send their slaves to warm up their seats first. Cleopatra's sister was murdered here and gave her name to arsenic, the poison used.

We also got taken to St John's Basilica (where St John supposedly vanished in a flash of light,) and a good museum. I learnt a Turkish saying at the museum "All flowers are beautiful in their own gardens." I think that saying is speaking about the importance of belonging, but I might be wrong.

No excursion would be complete without a guilt trip. We were herded into this carpet shop (they're opening especially for you,) given a weaving demonstration by one of the women weavers, given a free drink (I had Turkish coffee which you don't drink to the bottom!) And then given the hard sell surrounded by Turks. The carpets were very nice, the double knot technique I'm sure makes for high quality, but at hundreds of pounds a shot out of our ballpark. We fled like criminals back to the boat.