I looked out earlier than usual to admire the prettiness of Funchal as we arrived in port before the sun had awoken. We had ordered breakfast in our room to speed up being ready in time for our very first excursion of the cruise. It arrived as requested at 7am, far too much milk which came in covered glasses like the orange juice did. My oatmeal was more of a milky gruel.

We were in plenty of time to board Coach #2 for the Gardens of Madeira. No stickers with our tour number on them to worry about falling off our clothes this excursion. A LCD display above the driver in the coach read “Andrea Bocelli Great”, I thought about making a joke that it seemed like a man singing most of the time, but one of my fellow Brits outdid me by in all seriousness saying our driver wasn’t very modest.

Madeira is very hilly and both we and the coach got plenty of exercise going up and down. On the way to the first stop the Monte Palace gardens we saw the sledges which were once public transport to descend the steep hills, now a tourist experience. Not covered by our cruise insurance.

The Monte Palace gardens are very eclectic in what they contain. A didactic set of panels on Portuguese history. Replicas of the Terra Cotta warriors. A collection of rocks and minerals. Zimbabwean naive sculptures. Grecian forms. Chinese formal gardens. Very picturesque, and if you managed to get down to the bottom your ticket granted you a free sip of Madeira sweet or dry. Very pretty and photogenic. But a steep climb back to the cafe where Virginia waited for me. I had a black coffee and a very tasty fresh warm custard tart which was melting in my fingers.

The Palheiro gardens are much more conventional, more English Stately Home in feel. Our guide, armed with a purple umbrella with pictures of dogs on it, recited the names of the different plants we saw. Sadly her umbrella handle broke. An eclectic (great word that) collection of trees and flowers in the Palheiro gardens, our guide told us nature does well in Madeira where the climate stays temperate all year round. The humidity is high which the plants rely on. Another drink and carrot cake and custard tart at the end of the visit before returning to the coach and worrying if we would make it back to the ship before it sailed!

We hadn’t had a proper lunch so I persuaded Virginia to join me in the ritual of afternoon tea. A female trio played in the background. The waiters displayed the consumables to start with and got applauded. I enjoyed the fruitless scone a kind waiter procured me most.

The shops onboard opened at 4:30pm and I was lucky enough to buy a new earphone cable connection without needing a mortgage. The old one died the day before, and I had to cower in the bathroom to watch a movie on the laptop after Virginia had turned in. Hard being a film fan at times.