My birthday started with a sneezing fit in the early hours which I could have done without. Perhaps I’m allergic to the fancy electronic bin which flashes as you press the buttons but has to be prised open manually. Or the absence of mats and curtains and blinds here. Or the fancy shower where you can’t reach the controls without getting damp.

We went to see the enchanting Crook Hall Gardens, a beautiful place like the England of “Tom’s Midnight Garden” frozen in time. Sadly the maze was being refreshed. One of the gardens had a good view across Durham to the Cathedral. The flowers were out in a colourful array. We had hot chocolate and orange and poppy cake at the cafe open to the general public. Obviously a popular spot as mothers with small children made up for not being pursued by school groups round the ornateness.

A clone of Vin Diesel drove his upmarket Merc at speed into the small car park, did a loop which included leaving tyre marks on a grass divider before parking across two disabled spaces. He and trophy girlfriend and unleashed small black dog patronised the cafe. His car did have a disabled badge in it which he doubtless found useful to park close to shops and restaurants and police stations.

On the way back to Lamesley we took in Washington Old Hall where we waited a minute or two for our National Trust cards to be swiped but no one showed up. Judging by the mobile phones left lying around the aliens had been and abducted more human specimens. No car park site, ancient hall of historic significance, it displayed period cookery instructions which suggested making pies with live snakes in them for that wow factor.

We ate at the Imperial Restaurant in Newcastle which was doing good business but was noisy. The steep flight of stairs up from the street mimicked the steep streets we had to drive up to get there. Difficult getting out on the road in rush hour, I shouldn’t have tried turning right perhaps.